I love the newborn stage, because I love all the snuggles, the weekly milestones, the blooming of personality, and the sweetness of infancy. However, I struggle with the stark change in my ability to do- things. Between the sleep disruption that makes my mind blurry, to the one handedness, to the feedings that challenge my ability to focus on long tasks. It is always a fight to live in the present and enjoy the beauty that I have- that is fleeting, instead of yearning for those months prior when I was more able- to do.
I have so many interests and desires, and I’m working to prioritize each so I can give them their proper energy. I want to kiss my baby all day, to look deeply into her eyes, to listen as she looks intently at me and tries to work her tongue and lips in new ways to create new sounds- her desire to communicate so apparent. I want to give my children a supreme education. I want to read to them, to paint alongside them, to delight in the patterns of multiplication, the complexity of phonics, and the beauty of art, architecture and poetry. I want to plant a gorgeous garden- one that will fill me with wonder and peace as I wash dishes. I want a garden that will pull me outside, that will give me a reason to get my hands dirty while my mind can ponder the complexities and simplicities of life. I want to write more. To challenge my understanding, and give voice to my thoughts. I want to make friends, and spend time with them. I want to laugh and live with my husband. To have time with just the two of us, to continue to make memories. I want to eat good food, healthy food. I want to study the scriptures- deeply, to have the time to ask new questions, and listen for new answers. I want to connect with my parents and siblings more. I want to build my home into a functional space that facilitates our type of living while honoring all that is good and beautiful.