About a month ago, Scotland and I had a really rough week. His behavior was atrocious (to me) and I was completely at a lose for how to address it. As a result, I behaved embarrassingly myself, and there were many tears shed by both of us. After a particularly challenging morning in the midst of it I found myself belly down on my bed, ears plugged- to block out the screaming, tears streaming down my face. I prayed aurally, “Dear Heavenly Father, please help me! I don’t know what to do! And I can’t handle this.” And as is His way, peace blanketed me, and like the loving Father He is, I felt love, understanding, acceptance. Calmed, I opened my mind for help. “Seek and she shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.” Humbled, I knocked, I petitioned and he fulfilled his promise and has blessed me with several nuggets of wisdom, revelation.
-Scotland is testing your love. He sees how openly you love and adore Anders, and he’s wondering if you love him the same way. Snuggle with him more, hug him more, kiss him more. But he resists my affection, when I say “Can I have a hug” he runs away. Exactly! He’s testing if you really want a hug. Okay, I’ll try it.
The next morning when he obstinately ran away from my petition for hugs I ran after him teasingly saying “Alright! I’ll come get them.” A smile broke out wide on his face, his eyes lit up and he ran away squealing with delight. When I caught him he happily sat in my lap and we cuddled for longer that we had cuddled in weeks. You were right Father, he wants this, he needs this. Later that night when I suggested he sit on my lap while we watched a show, he again resisted, I again playfully insisted and happily, joyfully he snuggled with me the entire 30 minutes. Love passed strongly between us, and the next day he was much easier. The next day, after more love, even easier.
-You can’t expect Scotland to do things that you haven’t sufficiently taught, or provided the means for him to accomplish. For example, if you want him to clean up after himself when he makes a mess in the bathroom- supply paper towels, a spray bottle, a trash can, and teach him how to use them properly. Even better, give him a detailed lesson on how to avoid the mess in the first place. Makes sense, I’ll try it.
A lesson from Tom and I on proper bathroom use, followed by a lesson on “this is what we do if we make a mess” has completely solved the problem.
-Be choosy in what you critic him about. No one likes to be constantly told what to do. Make a list, and let the rest go. Hmmm. Okay.
I decided I’d quit telling him his pants, shoes, shirt were backwards- who cares. I’d quit making such a big deal when he had potty accidents- instead I’d encourage him to stay dry, and do more laundry. It sounds silly, but pondering what I truly cared about and what really didn’t matter to me eased my mind. I just needed permission to let things go, that way I could focus on more serious errors- like being too rough with Anders, etc. Surprisingly (to me, not Him) when I stopped picking at Scotland about lots of little things, he stopped needed to be picked at, even better some of the more serious acts went away. He hasn’t been rough with Anders in weeks, instead he’s been gently playing with him- bringing him toys, tickling him, smiling at him.
I wanted to write this to acknowledge and show gratitude for the revelation God gave me. Only as I looked back did I realize how God had stepped in to help those couple of times. How God had answered my prayer. This wisdom wasn’t received in a single conversation, but over the course of a few days. God teaches us when we’re ready to learn, when we’re able to understand. These few changes have made a marked difference in Scotland and I’s relationship over the past weeks. I believe in an omniscient God. If anyone has the much sought after “parenting manual” He does. Why don’t I ask for advice more often? Slowly, I’m learning.