A few weeks ago we got to see our third child. I wish I could verbalize how thrilling it is to see your baby for the first time. While my boys looked up and said “Oh” at the ambiguous smears of white and black moving across the screen, I saw my little peanut, curled up, smacking his lips and standing on his head- a silly grin spread across my face the entire hour. (I say “his,” not because I know we’re having a boy, but because I pretty much only use masculine pronouns around here! It’s a habit.) This last week, I’ve started feeling gentle movements, kicks and stretches, and I love it! I feel too much is vocalized about the difficulties of pregnancy. Sure they are many, yes it’s tough. But I fear that when we focus on the negatives of child bearing we loose sight of the glories. We create a culture of grumbling and disgust instead of one of awe, and respect. I feel honored that as a woman I have the opportunity and the capability of creating a body, of creating a life. I marvel at the intelligence and skill built into my very being that knows how to create bones, DNA, hair. Its baffling, and demoralizing for some, that the act of child creation is involuntary. And by that I mean, one doesn’t mentally choose to say, “create eyes today.” Once fertilization takes place the process is set in motion and things pretty much happen on their own. I’ve heard some express that this lessens the impressiveness of the act. If anyone can do it, then it’s not that special. It doesn’t take a college degree, it doesn’t take hours of practice. It just happens. It’s miraculous. For me this calls for humility. My body, my spirit and its connection with the Divine is more powerful than I realize. It’s larger than “me.” I have capabilities beyond my thinking brain.
While the creative process is not a conscious one, it can be a spiritual one. My baby is very much my baby. Most of you are probably unaware that I have a third child, you haven’t seen him/her, his/her face hasn’t graced my Instagram or blog pages- until today, but his spirit is very much a part of my heart. I think of him/her, I pray for him/her, I plan for him/her just as I would for Scotland or Anders. My heart has expanded. He/she is alive, just within me. This is the joy of pregnancy that too oft is left unverbalized. I am thrilled to have welcomed a new life to our home, a new heart to love, a new face to kiss. We talk about our baby often. Anders is no longer our baby, his place as a big brother was established many weeks ago. How blessed we feel.
This little guy/girl was smacking his lips throughout the whole ultrasound. It was so darling!